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Positive language crucial for communicating with ADHD kids 🗣🧠

Talking to Kids with ADHD: 5 Phrases to Avoid and What to Say Instead

May 02, 2025

Raising a child with ADHD can be challenging, but the words you choose can make a huge difference in their self-esteem and confidence. Let's explore how to communicate more effectively and support your amazing kid!

Understanding ADHD

More Than Just Attention Issues ADHD isn't just about paying attention. It's a unique way of thinking and processing the world. Over 1 in 10 kids in the United States have ADHD, which affects how they organize, plan, and manage time.

5 Harmful Phrases to Stop Saying:

  1. "If You Cared, You'd Remember" Instead, try: "Memory can be tricky. How can I help you remember?" Why? Up to 85% of kids with ADHD struggle with working memory. It's not about caring - it's about how their brain works.

  2. "If You Tried Harder, You'd Succeed" Better approach: "I see how hard you're working. Let's find a way to make this easier." Kids with ADHD are already trying their best. They need support, not criticism.

  3. "Stop and Think Before You Act" Supportive alternative: "I notice your brain is moving fast. What can help you slow down?" ADHD brains process information differently. Impulse control is a real challenge.

  4. "You Signed Up for This — You Can't Quit" Helpful response: "It's okay to change your mind. Let's talk about what works for you." ADHD kids thrive on engagement and flexibility.

  5. "Sit Still" Compassionate approach

Bullet Points:

  • ADHD isn’t just about attention—over 1 in 10 children in the US have it, and it affects their ability to organise, plan and manage time.

  • Saying “If you cared, you’d remember” blames working-memory struggles; instead, try “Memory can be tricky. How can I help you remember?”

  • “If you tried harder, you’d succeed” overlooks effort; a better response is “I see how hard you’re working. Let’s find a way to make this easier.”

  • Commands like “Stop and think before you act” and “Sit still” clash with ADHD neurology—acknowledge fast thinking (“What can help you slow down?”) and offer movement breaks.

  • Flexibility (“It’s okay to change your mind. Let’s talk about what works for you.”) and genuine praise build self-esteem far more effectively than criticism.